1 00:00:04,818 --> 00:00:07,981 ("RED DWARF" THEME) 2 00:00:51,665 --> 00:00:54,600 Have you found a way to get us out of here? 3 00:00:54,768 --> 00:01:00,400 I have, actually. I've devoted all my run-time to looking for a loophole in the prison regs, 4 00:01:00,574 --> 00:01:04,977 and I've found something which means you can serve your two-year sentence 5 00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:06,703 in just 14 weeks. 6 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,370 What have I got to do? 7 00:01:08,548 --> 00:01:10,948 Become a dog. 8 00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:18,188 - A dog? - According to my data banks, 9 00:01:18,358 --> 00:01:21,623 dog years are seven times shorter than human years. 10 00:01:22,796 --> 00:01:26,232 You can't fault that plan on its mathematics. 11 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,164 Maybe you can fault it on the fact I'm not a dog. 12 00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:33,466 According to a 20th-century newspaper called "The National Enquirer", 13 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,870 the operation's straightforward. 14 00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:40,645 A roverostomy, they call it. 15 00:01:42,549 --> 00:01:45,347 Here's a photograph of a bloke who had it done. 16 00:01:48,789 --> 00:01:50,279 That's a dog! 17 00:01:50,457 --> 00:01:52,721 See how convincing it is? 18 00:01:52,893 --> 00:01:55,020 Even you're fooled. 19 00:01:55,729 --> 00:02:01,224 Become a dog. That is the crappiest, most pathetic plan you've come up with all week. 20 00:02:01,401 --> 00:02:04,734 Give me a chance - it's only Monday. 21 00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,272 (BEEP) 22 00:02:11,411 --> 00:02:14,938 What happened to my life - career, prospects, friends? 23 00:02:15,115 --> 00:02:18,016 I had it all and threw it away. It's a tragedy. 24 00:02:18,185 --> 00:02:20,415 What? You had none of that stuff. 25 00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:23,556 You're right. I had none of that stuff. 26 00:02:23,723 --> 00:02:27,124 I had absolutely nothing and I threw it all away. 27 00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:29,194 It's an even bigger tragedy. 28 00:02:29,362 --> 00:02:33,025 We'll only get through this by being positive, by being... 29 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,830 What did women tennis players reckon was so important - begins with C? 30 00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:40,495 Cunnilingus? 31 00:02:42,909 --> 00:02:46,572 Centred. By being centred, focused. 32 00:02:46,746 --> 00:02:50,842 It's only two years. With good behaviour, it could be 18 months. 33 00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:54,976 Remember you were born, then you were 18 months? It flashed past. 34 00:02:58,525 --> 00:03:04,361 That's 'cause you had two breasts big as your head at your beck and call day and night. 35 00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:10,200 Give me that now, and I wouldn't be whinging. 36 00:03:15,242 --> 00:03:19,144 - What's this? - Canary outfits and first meeting information. 37 00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:24,884 I volunteered for the Canaries. 38 00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:28,612 - Some bloke came round so I signed up. - For the Canaries? 39 00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:33,782 Yeah. You should see the list of privileges you get. It's unbelievable. 40 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:38,829 - You don't know what the Canaries are. - It's a singing troop. A cappella. 41 00:03:38,999 --> 00:03:41,832 (SINGS) You are the sunshine of my life 42 00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,560 Ooh 43 00:03:43,737 --> 00:03:47,298 That's why I'll always be around... 44 00:03:53,046 --> 00:03:57,676 They're nothing to do with singing, are they? Holly lied to me, didn't he? 45 00:03:57,851 --> 00:03:59,284 He was taking the smeg! 46 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:02,387 Oh, Listy. 47 00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:06,457 Listy, Listy, Listy. 48 00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:09,322 Well, go on, then. What have I signed up for? 49 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:16,066 In the 19th century, when miners went down a pit, they'd lower a canary down first in a cage. 50 00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:19,171 What, and make 'em do some mining? 51 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,203 They were sick in the 19th century, weren't they? 52 00:04:23,376 --> 00:04:25,776 How much coal can a little canary get? 53 00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:29,848 And if the atmosphere was noxious, guess what the canary did? 54 00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,984 Complained to the foreman? 55 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,711 It died, Listy. 56 00:04:35,889 --> 00:04:41,418 The canary's job was to go into the most dangerous, unpleasant and smeggy situations, 57 00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:47,556 and see if it could stay alive, then they'd know if it was safe to send in the important people. 58 00:04:47,734 --> 00:04:51,636 - I'm gonna kill him! - How come you've not heard of the Canaries? 59 00:04:51,805 --> 00:04:56,071 Recruitment posters are all over the bogs. Haven't you seen them? 60 00:04:56,242 --> 00:05:00,269 When I'm in the men's toilets in prison, I tend not to look around. 61 00:05:02,282 --> 00:05:05,274 It's like playing golf. I concentrate on me grip, 62 00:05:05,452 --> 00:05:08,888 keep me eye on the ball, and try not to veer off to the side. 63 00:05:10,757 --> 00:05:14,318 The Canaries. Do you know what it's supposed to stand for? 64 00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:18,658 "Convict Army Nearly All Retarded Inbred Evil Sheepshaggers." 65 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:25,401 (LAUGHS) They haven't got an X chromosome to share between them! 66 00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:27,005 Smeg! 67 00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:30,040 - It gets worse as well. - Worse? Go on. 68 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,734 I signed you up, too. 69 00:05:38,385 --> 00:05:42,253 I forged your signature. I thought I was doing you a favour. 70 00:05:42,956 --> 00:05:44,890 - Me? Why? - I've signed us all up. 71 00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:47,824 - Kryten, Kris. Everyone. - No way. 72 00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,462 No way am I becoming a Canary. 73 00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:55,866 It's a great honour for floor 13, 74 00:05:56,036 --> 00:06:01,804 for today we are visited by Captain Hollister, who has a special assignment. 75 00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:03,909 At last some action! 76 00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:09,481 I've been going mental. All this time, cooped up, not killing nothing. Yes! 77 00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:11,583 Kill Crazy, shut up, yer punk! 78 00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:14,884 OK. Listen up. 79 00:06:15,055 --> 00:06:19,754 We've located a ship, the SSS Silverbird, buried at the bottom of an ocean moon. 80 00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:23,054 Remote probe has come back with no signs of a crew. 81 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:26,596 No bodily remains, no skeletons - zip. 82 00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:31,032 We want you guys to go onboard and find out why. 83 00:06:32,872 --> 00:06:35,670 A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four. 84 00:06:35,842 --> 00:06:39,710 You are the sunshine of my life 85 00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:41,437 Ooh 86 00:06:41,614 --> 00:06:45,106 That's why I'll always be around 87 00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:46,684 Rimmer! 88 00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:51,950 Sorry, sir. We appear to be in the wrong hobby group. We'll leave immediately. Go! 89 00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:55,954 This is where you're staying. Now get on with it. 90 00:06:56,129 --> 00:06:59,257 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. You heard the warden. 91 00:06:59,432 --> 00:07:02,265 He wants you to get on with it. From the top. 92 00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:06,064 You are the sunshine of my life... 93 00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:07,638 Rimmer! 94 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,977 Sorry, sir. I thought you... 95 00:07:12,145 --> 00:07:16,707 Shut up! You're a member of the toughest combat army this side of Pluto. 96 00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:20,148 I've seen custard factories less yellow than you are! 97 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,017 - Start behaving like a man. - A man, sir? 98 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,624 Yes, of course, sir. A man. 99 00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:32,064 A man? Perhaps if you could just remind me, I am sure it will all come back. 100 00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:34,826 (CRUNCHING) 101 00:07:40,473 --> 00:07:42,464 Continue, Captain. 102 00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:44,809 (RATTLING) 103 00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:50,942 It's inconceivable the ship was sent out without a crew, 104 00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:54,484 so whatever devoured the crew, bones and all, 105 00:07:54,654 --> 00:07:56,019 might still be there, 106 00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:58,123 so be careful. 107 00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,452 Let's go kill something! 108 00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:03,323 Yes! 109 00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:21,078 I hope it's got like big teeth and claws and like loads of heads. Great! 110 00:08:37,831 --> 00:08:41,392 Here we go at last. Yeah! 111 00:08:56,049 --> 00:08:59,018 OK. Stay together. Keep 'em peeled. 112 00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:00,516 What's that? 113 00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:04,418 - (KRYTEN) Where? - It's shaking from side to side like a leaf. 114 00:09:04,591 --> 00:09:06,923 I think that's your shadow, sir. 115 00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:10,792 Located the mainframe. Maybe it can tell us something. 116 00:09:15,368 --> 00:09:20,328 Good evening, Arnold. I've been looking forward to your arrival so very much. 117 00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:23,907 - How do you know my name? - My name is Cassandra. 118 00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:27,535 I am a computer with the ability to predict the future 119 00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:30,308 with an accuracy rating of 100 per cent. 120 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:31,780 Bless you. 121 00:09:31,951 --> 00:09:34,010 Bless you? What do you mean? 122 00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:35,984 A-choo! 123 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:41,457 Kris has a tissue in her pocket. She says, "Would you like this?" You say, "Thanks." 124 00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,892 - Would you like this? - Thanks. 125 00:09:44,631 --> 00:09:47,600 - Extraordinaryl - Extraordinary! 126 00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:50,600 The questions we can askl It tells the future. 127 00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:53,466 The questions we can ask! It tells the future. 128 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,768 How does it work? The future's not happened yet. 129 00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:59,578 I wasn't going to say that. 130 00:09:59,746 --> 00:10:02,715 - I never said you would... - But how does it work? 131 00:10:02,882 --> 00:10:06,147 - The future's not happened yet. - ... although you do. 132 00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:08,184 Smeg! 133 00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:12,615 Let's ask her a question about the future. A biggie. 134 00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:16,592 Cassandra, do we ever get back to earth? Have humans survived? 135 00:10:16,763 --> 00:10:19,527 Do I ever find my singing tie pin? 136 00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:24,262 Do we want to know about the future? 137 00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:27,338 Do we want to know how and when we die? 138 00:10:27,507 --> 00:10:33,446 Kris is right. Something like that could mess your life up for ever. I have a question. 139 00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:36,844 I know, Arnold. I know the rest of this conversation. 140 00:10:37,016 --> 00:10:38,347 So what's the answer? 141 00:10:38,518 --> 00:10:43,683 He chokes to death aged 181, trying to remove a bra with his teeth. 142 00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:47,658 What was the question? 143 00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:49,920 I just asked how you died. 144 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:53,797 You what? I don't wanna know that. 145 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:56,697 - Whose bra? - 181? 146 00:10:56,869 --> 00:10:58,860 Probably your own. 147 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:06,740 Come on, though. Taking a bra off with me teeth at 181. That's a hell of a sexy way to go! 148 00:11:07,814 --> 00:11:11,045 So long as the teeth are in your mouth at the time, sir. 149 00:11:12,852 --> 00:11:16,982 I'm really screwed up now. I never wanted to know that - know how I die. 150 00:11:17,156 --> 00:11:20,148 It's completely spoilt the surprise! 151 00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:24,592 Kryten, this is where you share your theory with your crewmates. 152 00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:28,894 I have a theory. The Silverbird didn't crash, did it, Cassandra? 153 00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:33,528 The ship was sent here by the Space Corps on autopilot to get rid of you - 154 00:11:33,706 --> 00:11:37,142 to abandon you at the bottom of a lunar sea in deep space. 155 00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:40,245 That's brilliant, bud! How did you work that out? 156 00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:43,610 I read it on this mission directive here. 157 00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:52,549 So, there was no dead bodies on board because there was no crew. 158 00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:55,023 A computer that predicts the future... 159 00:11:55,194 --> 00:11:59,460 - ... is dangerous indeed. - Is dangerous... Yes, precisely. 160 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,464 We should be making tracks. 161 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:07,800 I'm afraid that's not going to happen. The bulkhead's just given way 162 00:12:07,974 --> 00:12:11,102 and we're shipping water at 1,000 gallons a second. 163 00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:14,041 All the Canaries will be dead within one hour 164 00:12:14,213 --> 00:12:16,147 - except for Rimmer... - Yes! 165 00:12:16,315 --> 00:12:18,476 ... who will be dead in 20 minutes. 166 00:12:24,757 --> 00:12:28,659 Only Lister, Kryten, the Cat and Kochanski survive. 167 00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:30,352 What happens to Rimmer? 168 00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:35,058 He has a heart attack brought on by the stress of knowing he's going to die 169 00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:42,140 and collapses during a conversation with me in 19 minutes and 31 seconds. 170 00:12:42,308 --> 00:12:45,334 I don't believe you. I simply don't believe you. 171 00:12:45,511 --> 00:12:47,979 We shall see, or rather, YOU shall see. 172 00:12:48,147 --> 00:12:50,411 I have already seen. 173 00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:54,310 The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end. 174 00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:59,117 Mine, too, and not just the ones on the back of my neck - it's one up, all up. 175 00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:07,290 Well, it's not the first time we've been in a situation like this, is it? 176 00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:11,426 Hell, no. We've drunk coffee thousands of times. 177 00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:13,071 We're veterans. 178 00:13:13,239 --> 00:13:14,934 Future echoes, remember? 179 00:13:15,108 --> 00:13:18,373 - Future echoes - all right! - What was that? 180 00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:23,345 We learned that if the future's already decided, you can't change it. 181 00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:27,919 Yeah, but what do you know? You're a chicken-soup machine repairman, 182 00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:30,521 not Hank Handsome, Space Adventurer. 183 00:13:31,524 --> 00:13:33,754 Don't get ideas above your station, 184 00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:36,326 and your station is Git Central. 185 00:13:36,963 --> 00:13:39,955 I've been surviving in space five, six years. 186 00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:44,627 When it comes to weirdy, paradoxy space stuff, I bought the T-shirt. 187 00:13:45,505 --> 00:13:48,201 He bought it and I ironed it for him. 188 00:13:49,876 --> 00:13:53,243 - Exactly. - So, you're saying the future's the future, 189 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:57,314 and, like your underpants, the chances of change are remote. 190 00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,281 Well, I don't accept it. 191 00:14:00,453 --> 00:14:04,355 - Hey, I'm not happy about it, man. - None of us are. 192 00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:08,153 You dying is the last thing we want, bud, especially me. 193 00:14:08,327 --> 00:14:12,024 Hell, I'll probably have to help dig the hole. 194 00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:18,500 So, six years of space adventuring, six years of experience and knowledge 195 00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:22,437 have led you to the conclusion that I'm totally stuffed. 196 00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:27,238 Mr Rimmer has a point, sir. Your greater knowledge makes you pessimistic, 197 00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:32,373 while his ignorance and naivety keep his mind receptive to a possible solution. 198 00:14:32,552 --> 00:14:34,520 Shut your stupid flat head, you. 199 00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:40,348 So, when you don't know enough to know that you don't know enough, 200 00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:45,987 there's no fear holding you back - you achieve things which people with more brains can't. 201 00:14:46,165 --> 00:14:49,032 - Precisely. - He's got the power of ignorance. 202 00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:54,697 With the ignorance he's got, that makes him one of the most powerful men that's ever lived. 203 00:14:54,874 --> 00:14:58,469 Harness your stupidity, sir. Employ your witlessness. 204 00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:02,603 Use your empty-headed simplistic moron mind and find a solution. 205 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,077 OK. I've got an idea. 206 00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:09,153 Replay our meeting with Cassandra in your CPU, 207 00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:12,814 and tell me if at any point, anyone ever called me Rimmer. 208 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:16,393 - What? - (BEEPING) 209 00:15:17,296 --> 00:15:22,063 At no point did anyone refer to you as Rimmer. In fact, we barely looked at you. 210 00:15:23,369 --> 00:15:24,734 That's what I thought. 211 00:15:24,904 --> 00:15:29,273 Cassandra said, "Rimmer dies," but that doesn't necessarily mean me. 212 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:33,742 - Who does it mean, then, your dad? - Cassandra doesn't know the future. 213 00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:35,380 She sees pictures of it. 214 00:15:35,548 --> 00:15:39,985 She could have seen another guy die of a heart attack who's called Rimmer. 215 00:15:40,152 --> 00:15:42,382 - He's right. - All I've got to do 216 00:15:42,555 --> 00:15:46,719 is to find someone I can introduce to Cassandra as Rimmer, 217 00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:50,020 and it will be them that stiffs out and not me. 218 00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:54,189 Such lowlife conniving - it's impossible not to be impressed! 219 00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:58,698 What I wouldn't give to have your weasel gene, sir! 220 00:16:02,508 --> 00:16:06,035 - Now, wait a minute. - Oh, look, here's Mr Knot. 221 00:16:07,747 --> 00:16:11,148 - You made this area secure? - Yes, sir. Coffee, sir? 222 00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:16,353 We have to inspect the mainframe. Where is it? 223 00:16:17,456 --> 00:16:21,916 Agh! You idiot! What the hell do you think you're doing? 224 00:16:22,094 --> 00:16:23,425 Please... 225 00:16:23,596 --> 00:16:26,121 Have my jacket. I insist. 226 00:16:27,033 --> 00:16:30,594 Then I shall lead you to Cassandra. There we are, sir. 227 00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:32,761 A perfect fit, sir. 228 00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,607 - Lead on, Rimmer. - Don't call me Rimmer. 229 00:16:36,776 --> 00:16:40,109 - That's your name. - But Rimmer is so full of nobility 230 00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:41,576 and quiet courage. 231 00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,908 Call me Arsewipe or Fishbreath. 232 00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:46,776 Not Rimmer, sir. Never Rimmer. 233 00:16:46,952 --> 00:16:50,752 OK, Arsewipe, whatever you say. Now, where's the mainframe? 234 00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:56,325 Hello, Arnold. Bang on time. 235 00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:59,293 I've brought a visitor. Do you know his name? 236 00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:01,865 - Yes, I do... Knot. - What? 237 00:17:02,034 --> 00:17:03,365 - Knot. - What? 238 00:17:03,536 --> 00:17:08,838 Let me finish. Not that it matters what his name is. Our relationship doesn't last very long. 239 00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:13,172 - I understand you have the ability to predict... - ... the future, yes. 240 00:17:13,346 --> 00:17:15,610 - 100 per cent... - ... reliable, yes. 241 00:17:17,149 --> 00:17:21,677 - What happens to me? Do I get back to earth? - No, you die of a heart attack 242 00:17:21,854 --> 00:17:25,346 after hearing you're going to die of a heart attack. 243 00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:29,283 You filthy... (GROANS) 244 00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:34,763 - Poor Rimmer. - Yes, poor old Rimmer. 245 00:17:36,369 --> 00:17:39,702 - My name is Knot... - Your name is not what? 246 00:17:39,872 --> 00:17:42,238 Knot! Knot! Knot! 247 00:17:44,844 --> 00:17:47,438 - Is he dead now? - I'm afraid so. 248 00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:49,638 Yes! 249 00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:53,080 He died of a massive coronary, just as I prophesied. 250 00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,549 Yes! 251 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,952 You seem inordinately happy, Arnold, but why? You're going to die, too. 252 00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:03,956 But you said... I've just... I'm going to die, too? 253 00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:10,091 I already told you. Rimmer dies of a heart attack, then you and the other Canaries die, too. 254 00:18:10,269 --> 00:18:14,296 All except Lister, Kryten, Kochanski and the Cat. I've seen it. 255 00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:18,034 That's as well as maybe, but you have you seen this? 256 00:18:23,048 --> 00:18:26,984 Yes, I'm afraid I have. 257 00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:35,621 - You were right. There's nothing I can do. - According to Cassandra, we four survive. 258 00:18:35,795 --> 00:18:40,255 Therefore, while we are here, we cannot die. Regard. 259 00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:44,464 (GUN DOESN'T FIRE) 260 00:18:44,637 --> 00:18:46,264 Duck, sir. 261 00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:51,335 (BULLET RICOCHETS) 262 00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:52,841 Duck again, sir! 263 00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:56,137 As I thought. 264 00:18:57,249 --> 00:19:01,049 So, in other words, if I... 265 00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:05,781 - What's that for? - You can't die. 266 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:09,155 Yeah, but I can still feel pain, you smeghead! 267 00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:16,632 How about we use our powers of invulnerability which will last until we return to Red Dwarf 268 00:19:16,802 --> 00:19:20,636 and escort Mr Rimmer up to the obs deck and into the diving bell? 269 00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:45,956 (LISTER) The diving bell. We've made it. 270 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,191 Where did he go? 271 00:19:55,608 --> 00:19:56,905 Yo! 272 00:20:06,252 --> 00:20:09,483 (RUSHING WATER) 273 00:20:09,655 --> 00:20:12,749 - Hear that? - Water. 274 00:20:13,592 --> 00:20:16,220 Kris, take cover. Water's coming! 275 00:20:32,311 --> 00:20:34,836 Great! Everything above us is flooded 276 00:20:35,014 --> 00:20:39,007 and now we're back down in the bowels again with Cassandra. 277 00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,118 It's coming true. 278 00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:44,313 My death! It's all coming true. 279 00:20:52,031 --> 00:20:56,400 You tried to cheat the future and failed, as I knew you would. 280 00:20:56,569 --> 00:20:59,504 So what happens now? How? 281 00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,139 How do I die? 282 00:21:01,307 --> 00:21:04,105 Lister catches you making love to Kochanski 283 00:21:04,276 --> 00:21:08,713 and shoots you through the head with a harpoon gun. 284 00:21:14,987 --> 00:21:17,751 Can you just double-check that? 285 00:21:17,923 --> 00:21:21,791 I've seen it. It's what happens - in the old laundry room. 286 00:21:21,961 --> 00:21:25,021 So let me just repeat what I think you're saying. 287 00:21:25,197 --> 00:21:27,165 Arnold - that's me - 288 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:32,600 and Kochanski - that's the woman, the really attractive one you saw earlier - 289 00:21:32,771 --> 00:21:35,433 me and her are in bed giving it rizz... 290 00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:39,976 Lister - the dumpy one with the stupid haircut - 291 00:21:40,145 --> 00:21:43,945 walks in and shoots me while I'm making love with Kochanski? 292 00:21:44,116 --> 00:21:46,277 That is what is going to happen. 293 00:21:46,452 --> 00:21:49,478 Fantastic! 294 00:22:00,032 --> 00:22:04,799 - I can't believe what you're telling me. - I can scarcely believe it myself. 295 00:22:06,038 --> 00:22:09,132 I never thought you'd look at me twice. 296 00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:12,004 Neither did I. 297 00:22:12,678 --> 00:22:18,913 But, apparently, we're gonna make love. Unbe-smegging-lievable or what? 298 00:22:19,084 --> 00:22:22,781 - It's not warm in here. Fancy a wee nip? - No. 299 00:22:24,757 --> 00:22:29,387 But why would I want to sleep with you? It doesn't make sense. 300 00:22:29,561 --> 00:22:31,461 Maybe you get blind-drunk. 301 00:22:31,630 --> 00:22:34,827 That doesn't excuse my other four senses. 302 00:22:36,235 --> 00:22:39,534 Right. Barely an hour to go. Shall we get started? 303 00:22:39,705 --> 00:22:43,835 I mean, let's face it, you can't change the future - sadly. 304 00:22:44,576 --> 00:22:47,443 But you said you could. 305 00:22:47,613 --> 00:22:50,207 Yeah, I've changed my mind now. 306 00:22:50,749 --> 00:22:53,616 Shall we play the opera game instead? 307 00:22:53,786 --> 00:22:57,313 Kris, it's what Cassandra saw. You can't cheat fate. 308 00:22:57,489 --> 00:23:03,621 There's no way on earth that I'm climbing out of my clothes and clambering into that bed. 309 00:23:19,344 --> 00:23:20,902 My clothes are soaking! 310 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,049 Take them off and dry them on the heater. 311 00:23:35,394 --> 00:23:38,022 It's coming true. It's all coming true. 312 00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:41,030 It's coming true. It's all coming true! 313 00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,737 (GROANS) 314 00:23:55,647 --> 00:23:57,638 Bud, you can't go back there. 315 00:23:57,816 --> 00:23:59,784 Cassandra said Kris survives, 316 00:23:59,952 --> 00:24:04,480 and the only way that's gonna happen is if someone goes back and saves her. 317 00:24:04,656 --> 00:24:06,886 Chuck us that harpoon gun, will ya? 318 00:24:16,268 --> 00:24:18,429 Ba-la-bup-doodle-up-bap! 319 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:27,801 I'm not sure about this. This is the first time I've been seduced by predeterminism theory. 320 00:24:28,881 --> 00:24:30,678 One hour exactly. 321 00:24:33,118 --> 00:24:35,348 Bloody buggering hell! 322 00:24:37,055 --> 00:24:40,354 Tonight must be the night they put the clocks forward! 323 00:24:41,493 --> 00:24:42,858 I've got it. 324 00:24:43,028 --> 00:24:45,019 That's more than I did. 325 00:24:45,864 --> 00:24:47,297 I've worked it all out. 326 00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:52,460 I never get any breaks ever! 20 seconds later, you could have been on top 327 00:24:52,638 --> 00:24:55,539 and I could have used you as a human shield. 328 00:24:55,707 --> 00:25:00,371 I must have been mad. What the hell was I thinking? I felt sorry for you. 329 00:25:00,546 --> 00:25:04,710 - Shut up and listen to me. - Why aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him? 330 00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:07,317 'Cause I know why you're in bed with him. 331 00:25:07,486 --> 00:25:11,820 - I also know that I don't kill him. - Oh, but Cassandra promised. 332 00:25:12,591 --> 00:25:15,822 Cassandra made that up to force you two together, 333 00:25:15,994 --> 00:25:19,361 so that you'd feel sorry for him and sleep with him. 334 00:25:19,531 --> 00:25:22,796 - Why did she say she saw it happen? - To make it happen. 335 00:25:22,968 --> 00:25:25,027 - But why? - To try and punish me. 336 00:25:25,204 --> 00:25:28,640 - Punish you? Why? - 'Cause Cassandra has always known 337 00:25:28,807 --> 00:25:30,104 how she dies. 338 00:25:30,275 --> 00:25:34,211 She wants me to suffer for something that I do in the future. 339 00:25:35,147 --> 00:25:36,478 You kill her. 340 00:25:36,648 --> 00:25:41,210 - She hates you because she knows you kill her. - That's what this was about. 341 00:25:41,386 --> 00:25:42,910 Kryten figured it out. 342 00:25:43,488 --> 00:25:46,924 Kryten figured it out, did he? Good old Kryten (!) 343 00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:51,922 But did he really have to figure it out quite so damn fast? 344 00:25:52,831 --> 00:25:57,131 Would it have killed him to take 30 minutes longer? Ten minutes even? 345 00:25:57,803 --> 00:25:59,794 Two would have done. 346 00:26:00,772 --> 00:26:03,240 I'm gonna take care of the rest of it now. 347 00:26:03,408 --> 00:26:06,605 I'll see you two lovebirds later. 348 00:26:07,913 --> 00:26:11,178 Look... Thanks for being with me tonight. 349 00:26:11,350 --> 00:26:15,719 I can't think of anyone I'd rather share my final hour with than you. 350 00:26:15,888 --> 00:26:18,049 I really mean that. 351 00:26:18,991 --> 00:26:23,587 I'm not all bad. In fact, sometimes, I'm quite sweet and sensitive. 352 00:26:23,762 --> 00:26:25,753 Bye. 353 00:26:25,931 --> 00:26:27,330 By the way... 354 00:26:28,033 --> 00:26:30,024 Is it OK if I keep these? 355 00:26:37,576 --> 00:26:40,977 If the future's all worked out - horoscopes and stuff - 356 00:26:41,146 --> 00:26:43,979 it means we're not responsible for what we do. 357 00:26:44,149 --> 00:26:48,142 We're actors saying lines in a script written by somebody else. 358 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:54,054 I don't want to believe that. I want to believe I'm in charge of me own life. Me own destiny. 359 00:26:54,226 --> 00:26:58,993 So I'm not gonna kill you, Cassandra. I'm out of here. 360 00:26:59,164 --> 00:27:01,655 But you DO kill me. I've seen it. 361 00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:06,861 Tomorrow's a new day - a fresh page in a book that's not been written yet. 362 00:27:07,039 --> 00:27:09,439 What happens in the future is up to me, 363 00:27:09,608 --> 00:27:12,509 not some predetermined-destiny smeg. 364 00:27:12,678 --> 00:27:14,509 I'll see you, kiddo. 365 00:27:49,881 --> 00:27:51,644 Smeg. 366 00:27:53,785 --> 00:27:57,346 It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere 367 00:27:57,522 --> 00:28:00,753 I'm all alone, more or less 368 00:28:00,926 --> 00:28:04,054 Let me fly far away from here 369 00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:07,027 Fun, fun, fun 370 00:28:07,199 --> 00:28:10,635 In the sun, sun, sun 371 00:28:10,802 --> 00:28:13,100 I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose 372 00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:17,332 Drinking fresh mango juice 373 00:28:17,509 --> 00:28:20,876 Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 374 00:28:21,046 --> 00:28:23,640 Fun, fun, fun 375 00:28:23,815 --> 00:28:27,478 In the sun, sun, sun 376 00:28:27,652 --> 00:28:30,212 Fun, fun, fun 377 00:28:30,389 --> 00:28:34,485 In the sun, sun, sun